Let go…

Dear readers,

Here we are at the beginning of the year 2020! Who would have thought that 20 years post the year 2000, we would be here on earth and survive some of the most dangerous natural climates and turbulent political times?

I can’t help but wonder how I can make the beginning of this beautiful two-digit number a perfect vision for the future. The meaning of the 2020 vision is the perfect ability to see all without any flaw. Here is how I see it unfolding with my inner vision, also known as “my intuition”. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to be a clairvoyant of the future on earth, rather use my sense of the vibes around me to paint a picture of a more balanced and healthy future for us.

I have found myself feeling more anxious than usual, without any clear reason coming from my own personal life. Using different tools and natural herbs to keep myself grounded, I fail to stay balanced some days.
Since this is not a normal state of mind for me, it has become a pertinent mental project to find the source of my chaotic headspace.

I have always identified as sensitive, kind-hearted, and compassionate of those around me, but I know this anxiety is beyond the normal worries that I feel or sometimes create for myself.

After a few years of talking and dreaming, my husband and I have decided to make a drastic change in our lives. Since our daughters are grown up and out of the house, we see the opportunity once again, similar to the beginning of our marriage, to make an adventure out of our lives and travel for a year or two.

This dream became a constant subject of our conversations for quite some time and now we are finally implementing the steps towards this goal. When you dream, the wonderful feeling that you embody sheds some hope and courage upon the upcoming days. Despite this, you may not realize that the present time may bring some emotional challenges causing temporary suffering until then.

We have lived in the same house for over 30 years. Our daughters grew up in this house. We had multiple parties and celebrations of lives in the same house. Our backyard has been a witness of family gatherings and the girls growing up with their swing sets and bikes. The house itself has gone through a few remodeling phases and the end result will pay off when the new tenants enjoy this space that we occupied for years, filled with love and the utmost kindness within its old character.

Every day, I’m taking one more step to beautify this house for the sale, helping me notice its charm more than before. The same issues that I might have criticized in the past seem mundane now and I am hoping to be forgiving and keep an appreciation for my new space in the near future. I never knew how connected I was to every corner of this house called “home”. Here I am letting go of an old friend that served me and my family for years. But, we must come out of this house and see what is waiting for us outside.

Yes, I do feel the turmoil of the political climate without even actively watching the news. Yes, I feel the anxiety and fear in my co-workers and family members when they talk about the events happening in the world.

The world is going through so many changes and all of the suppressed issues are coming to surface and are more vivid than ever, causing an internal unease.

The truth is that wars have been going on in the world forever, violence has been in action at all times, gender discrimination dates far back, nature has had its own mind, and humans have been at fault since the beginning of time. There is really nothing new except now with social media and constant news via different platforms, we are bombarded every minute of the day with what is happening. The news is sent to us from sources that are biased with their own views and the truth gets twisted and then fed to us. We accept this “food” and digest it without realizing how it is affecting us mentally and emotionally. I get rattled by the news too and get sad to see innocent souls losing their lives to games played by countries and the egos of their leaders. However, at this point, I bring myself back to my house and try to ground myself as I go inward and seek the truth.

I sense in my meditation that all is good, nothing is new, and all will pass as it has before. In that space of peace and Divinity, all comes and goes as planned. There is no turmoil, there is no wondering, nor questioning.

There is only acceptance and trust.

I focus on each day at hand and stay mindful. I see my lessons as I am letting go of my physical home to salvage the wonderful memories in my mind forever. Though I may not see or feel the Divine, it is in my mind and my heart, always traveling beside me.

What can you let go of and allow to be the light of 2020?


Shab Kamal

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May 2024